Last week, I wrestled with anxiety. All week long. Day after day it was haunting me, trying to squash hopes and dreams, keeping me distracted and dismayed.
Until a friend heard this phrase on repeat, “I am a crazy person!”
And she asked me, with a knowing, slightly sly smile,
“What does God want you to rename that?”
So I did what any self-respecting writer does. As my computer was being worked on by our IT department, I grabbed some post-it notes and started writing.
Here’s the transcript:
“I am a crazy person.”
What is God calling you to rename that?
(i.e.— dramatic => depth; desperation => hope)
Crazy => unique
“I am processing.”
It may feel crazy, but it’s not. Reality = processing through the feels. Reality = you are an emotional, uniquely so, being who can and does often
THRIVE IN THIS EXACT SPOT
ROOTS GO DEEPER IN THE PROCESS
HOPE GROWS STRONGER
FAITH GRIPS TIGHTER, fuller
IN THIS PLACE
IN THIS EXACT SPOT
Processing takes time.
Receive it & don’t rush it.
Don’t rush yourself.
You are not crazy.
You are processing.
A friend messaged me later and said, “YES. I need this tattooed on my forehead, so that I see it every morning.” And I messaged her back and said, “Well, maybe I should make this a blog post.”
So here I am. On the blog.
Because, the reality is, we are saying lies to ourselves all. day. long.
“I’m such a mess right now!”
“I’m just being crazy/dramatic/overly-emotional!”
“I can’t even!”
“I just feel so stuck.”
And how can you rename it?
More importantly, how does God want you to rename it?
I could’ve renamed my anxiety/crazy this week just “my emotions.” I could call my mess “just a part of who I am.” I started to just call it “unique” to me and my Enneagram-4-ness.
And while there’s some truth there, the fact that God said “process” conveys way more grace and mercy than I could ever have given myself. Process communicates a journey, a way forward, and I need everything that gives forward motion right now. I’m a 27-year-old who doesn’t really know what the future holds beyond a job I love and a home I’m trying to cultivate here in Nashville. But I long for movement and hopes and dreams with big ole wings.
And God says to all those unknowns, those anxiety-inducing thoughts and feels:
“Okay. You’re not crazy. You’re in process.”
Does this mean I’ve figured it out? That I’ve accepted my “process” and the anxiety, the self-sabotaging thoughts, the lies are just *poof* gone? Nope.
I wish with all my heart I could say yes.
But renaming is only the first step. Then, we have to start believing that renaming for all it holds. For me, that’s the movement forward. That’s the hope of redemption and writing through the process (my two words for 2019). That’s the step-by-step journey with Jesus we’re on. “Process” holds much more than I know right now. But for right now, I take what I know and I hold on tight. I set his words on repeat in my mind (thank you, Lauren Daigle). And I let him rename all the other lies I’m still claiming over myself, day and day out. Honesty hour: I get mad at myself for this. For the tension of lies and truth all the time in my mind.
But God just gives more grace. And more new names over those lies.
So, what’s he saying to you? What’s your lie versus truth (#lieversustruth) moment today? Comment, email, find me on Insta, send me a letter and let me know. We need more people in our corner asking us the question, “What does God want you to rename that?”
I’m in your corner.